“Everything has a beginning and an end. Life is just a cycle of starts and stops. There are ends we don’t desire, but they’re inevitable, we have to face them. It’s what being human is all about.” Cowboy Bebop

I don’t share this side of me too much, but I will today. If I had to describe my past few months, it would be spiraling. Spiraling in and out of depression, in and out of extreme bouts of anxiety, and in and out of anger.

It’s really confusing to have a great life and feel sad. It’s really confusing to be screaming at the top of your lungs at the person you love, and not remembering what you were screaming about a few minutes later.

It gets better, and it get worse. But it’ll get better.

 

Nerdin’ Out

Happy Saturday! I don’t worship a god anymore, but the next closest thing is my worship of Saturday’s. I just love them so much! 

This morning, we went to the local “comicon”! I have never been to a comic convention before, but I had an absolute blast! I’m not too much of a comic book person, but I do enjoy web-comics here and there.  I also am a big fan of art, and it was awesome seeing all the talented artists there as well. Of course, the was a lot of good people watching, possibly my favorite part. I really love being around people who are passionate about something, no matter what it may be! I just love seeing people when they are their most honest and genuine. No matter how disinterested in a subject I am, I always have so much respect for someone with a real passion and love to hear about it. 

if you do like art/comics/graphic novels/steam-punk/awesomeness, you should check these guys out:

http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1967813561/the-cowboy-and-the-goliath-book-2?ref=home_location

http://blackrosecomic.com/

What did you do this saturday?

Culture Shock Level: HIGH!

Over the summer, I started working at a non-profit women’s health center. I work in the family planning clinic with a lot of low-income women with medicaid or no insurance.  My coworkers are from totally different socio-economic backgrounds than me, and it has eye-opening for sure. Like anything, I’ve became used to it and for a while, life went on seemingly normal.

Now I’m back to working three days a week and school two days a week.  Boy-o-boy is adjusting back to a Catholic University more difficult than I expected!! Fist and foremost, they really dislike abortion. In fact, the sidewalk I’m sitting near is covered with chalked pro-life statements. I can make out “we love babies!” from here. I work at a clinic that provides abortions, so that’s a fun conversation topic…

But beyond that, everything seems shocking. The country club/resort style people dress in, the prim and properness, the way people speak and greet each other,  the fact that every activity is a social activity, being around 4,000 students who have so little responsibility but feel like they have the most in the entire world, and the privileged attitude and way they talk about people who are poor.

I’m not so naive as to think that every person’s individuality should be praised and gently stroked at every moment, but I am so sick of hearing rich white students say they want to “work” with the poor or “at-risk youth.” What do they think “working” with them entails? They never have an answer. I think they just want to give them pep-talks so they can pull themselves up and get out of their crummy situation!

The Kroger nearest to our university does’t have a Starbucks in it, so it’s called the “Kro-ghetto.” It frustrates me, because every day at work I call that Kroger pharmacy for our patients who are great people, who care about their family and are PEOPLE. Not these scary, angry, and dangerous people the students at my school seem to think they are.

I could go on and on about how students have such twisted notions of what it means to have medicaid, or food stamps, or live in low-income housing. It bothers me that they talk about them like a single entity with no personality. That they don’t seem to think they make decisions for themselves. When they see low-income housing they feel afraid or think it’s ugly or that the people who live there don’t care or are lazy or whatever one of many notions I’ve heard.

And I mean, can I blame them? Yeah, they shouldn’t have this baseline fear of black people at the grocery store, but I grew up in a well-off family and I didn’t know much about low-income living. I didn’t put faces or personalities with medicaid or food stamps. More so than placing blame, I’m really just reflection on the culture shock from being between such extremes.

As a tangent, one of my first observations coming back to school was that college students should learn to speak more intelligently. I talk with some borderline illiterate people and they do not sound as bad as the college student who’s every other word is one of “stupid, bro, dude, like, oh my god, yeah, douch, or ‘sup.” Earlier today I heard a girl say “What’s the deal with this fucking respect thing?” I just didn’t think it sounded like a thing a well adjusted person would say, but that’s just me.

And for the record, I do realize I’m making vast generalizations about people while I complain about people making vast generalizations. So, a hypocrite I am.

It’s been a rant, thanks for coming along,

Stay adorable, M.C.

I’m in Alaska!

I keep trying to blog more, but gah! Life gets so busy. Anyway, Patrick and I are visiting his parents in Juneau, Alaska this week. I thought I would share a picture I snapped shortly after getting of the plane. I hope life finds you all well.

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Happy Fourth Of July!

American or not, I hope everyone has a very wonderful day this fourth of July! Summer is flying by here!!! I’m so thankful to have a full time job that I enjoy. It is so comforting to know that in less than a year when I am graduating college and getting married, (whaat?!?!!) I’ll have a well paying job. It’s not my forever job, but it is a great situation to be in. (Assuming nothing drastic happens…considering I work at a highly controversial organization).   

Just a quick post to say hi :-) My day off so far has consisted of buffalo wild wings, my first shower beer, and animal crossing on our new 3DS. Pretty successful, I’d say. 

stay adorable. Also, I’m having a lemon craving, so everyone should eat something lemon today for me. Unless you don’t like lemons, I don’t want anyone to be unhappy. 

:-) M.C. 

A Very Atheist Wedding

Lately, my mind has been on wedding wedding wedding! We’ve been engaged for a year, but because I’ve been travelling, we haven’t done much planning (except for my momentary panic attack in which I got an elopement in Vegas half way planned…) Now that things have settled down, we are planning a nice, quaint, relaxed, fun, and special day (totally god free!).

I am really trying to avoid a lot of the wedding consumerism and culture. I hate so much of the etiquette and expectations that come along with it. Looking for venues and finding about things like “cake cutting fees” is just absurd to me. That being said…I do find myself getting so excited about finding a beautiful venue and wedding dress shopping. On Thursday we’re going to tour a historic mansion as a possible venue!! I’ve been thinking about it so much. I’m really trying to enjoy the process and not become stressed out about it. No reason to!

Around here, people have definitely been shocked when they find out I’m not getting married in a Catholic church and having the reception at a country club. Even some people who know I’m atheist thing I should be getting married in a church. Our wedding is going to have a lot of personality. I like that I don’t have to confine it to the rules of a religion. I took a theology course last semester that had a segment on marriage. The professor was extremely opposed to any part of a ceremony that deviates from the catholic instructions. The articles I had to read were so insanely judgmental! It drove me nuts that the focus of the wedding was not on the unique and special relationship between the couple and their decision to devote their lives to each other. As an aside, why would I worship a god who had some problem with me writing my own vows or playing meaningful music at my wedding? I realize that not all religions/people feel that way– but my issues with the varieties of “god” is another issue.

In conclusion, my feelings are this: People can get married however they damn well please. I’m just thankful for the flexible and fun wedding Patrick and I are planning. Also, pre-marriage counseling sounds so awful to me, so yay for dodging that bullet!

stay adorable, M.C.

I’m Back!

So, I’ve taken a little break from blogging. I needed some time to adjust when I got home from Ireland. To all you Irish and others who gave me encouragement, thank you. The past 6 months have flown by. I got super busy with refocusing my relationship, school, and just trying to grow as a person. There have certainly been a lot of ups and downs, but I truly am so happy. I’ve decided to start writing again!

As a general update, I’m graduating next May and getting married next June (yay!). I’ve started a new job working at a non-profit women’s health clinic, full time for the summer and then part time when classes start up again. It is an awesome atmosphere and I am learning a ton. Everything from how to use electronic health care software to all the deets of birth control and STI’s to giving shots and taking blood pressures. Walking through protestors everyday is a bit odd (they really hate abortion), but I’m used to it now.

Anyway, hope to find all of you doing well too! Stay adorable, M.C.