Happy Fourth Of July!

American or not, I hope everyone has a very wonderful day this fourth of July! Summer is flying by here!!! I’m so thankful to have a full time job that I enjoy. It is so comforting to know that in less than a year when I am graduating college and getting married, (whaat?!?!!) I’ll have a well paying job. It’s not my forever job, but it is a great situation to be in. (Assuming nothing drastic happens…considering I work at a highly controversial organization).   

Just a quick post to say hi 🙂 My day off so far has consisted of buffalo wild wings, my first shower beer, and animal crossing on our new 3DS. Pretty successful, I’d say. 

stay adorable. Also, I’m having a lemon craving, so everyone should eat something lemon today for me. Unless you don’t like lemons, I don’t want anyone to be unhappy. 

🙂 M.C. 



I usually manage to fall asleep at 3 am,  preceded by an hour or so of mind wanderings. The mind wanderings tend to be thoughts that I’ve thought 100 times before.  Occasionally though, I come across a raw, untouched thought that hasn’t been combed over, thought over, talked about, or processed. The other night, it was death.   Truthfully, I haven’t given death itself much thought. I didn’t either as a Christian. As a person, I have always avoided the thought of death.

I have been to exactly 3 funerals. The first was my grandmothers when I was 5. I didn’t understand why I didn’t have one of those “fun” bags with coloring books and snacks I got in church.  The second funeral I went to was for my late guinea pig Fluffy. The third was the funeral of my moms best friend Maureen, who I had only met a handful of times. She was a single woman, the same age as my mom, who had adopted a daughter from China.  Her adopted daughter was probably 12 years old when her mom died. And at the funeral I sobbed. I mean, I totally lost it. And I do not like to cry in front of other people, especially my family. I did not understand why everyone else at the funeral managed to keep it together. And an open casket?!?! I wanted to throw up.  I was surprised by my strong reaction to the death of someone I hardly knew, so I just tried to block everything from the funeral out.

About a year later, a close friend asked if I was afraid of death to which I answered with an unhesitating “No”. She was shocked by that. She wanted to know how I couldn’t be afraid of death. I said because I knew I was going to heaven, and once I got to heaven I wouldn’t miss anything on earth and everything would be amazing.  But my friend wasn’t asking about life after death. She was talking about dying itself. The process in which the human body stops living and breathing. And after I thought about it some more, I realized, shit, dying is scary.  Then I did my best to not think about it again.

As I lay in bed at 3 am, I realized that I have to accept that I am going to die. That it might hurt. That it might be sad. That (hopefully) other people will be sad and miss me. One day I will cease  to exist and so will all of my family and all of my friends and all of the people I don’t like.  There will be a time in my life when I have to go without someone that is very close to me everyday.

Overall, the whole idea of death is much more peaceful as an atheist than as a Christian.  Heaven and hell cause so much grief in families and relationships. You’re told life in heaven will be better than you could ever imagine, and you won’t miss your friends or parents or even your spouse. You don’t get to be married in heaven. You don’t get to have you dog in heaven. Everything you know to be wonderful and happy in your life is diminished by saying that really, in comparison, it’s nothing. What’s even the point? As an atheist, I don’t worry about what will happen to me when I die. That’s peace. Peace isn’t knowing that I’ll be floating around not missing everything that I have that is wonderful while at the same time someone I know and possibly love is eternally suffering for not pleasing a jealous god.

I am content with the life I have. I seek to fill it with as much happiness and love as I can, and then one day I’ll die.  The End.


Advice to a Younger Me

As a disclaimer, as I write this blog post to myself about some wisdom I’ve gained over the years, I have a stomach full of macaroni and cheese I asked my parents to mail. So I’ve grown up some, but not enough to abandon the disgustingly artificial delight of mac and cheese. That just seemed like a relevant fact. But I write on.

Someone recently asked me, if I could give a piece of advice to my 15 or 16 year old self, what would it be?

Now, there were not nearly enough rules assigned to this hypothetical. I am going to assume my 15 year old self finds her 20 year old self giving her advice to be perfectly normal. I wasn’t sure how much time I had either. If it’s like, a drop a line in her sub-conscious type thing, the one liner is:

 Don’t believe everything people tell you, even if they seem really smart, convincing, and convicted.  

Now, if I get to ya know, take her out to a nice dinner and have a good conversation, I would say something  more along the lines of this:

Don’t believe that your faith makes you any more moral than someone without faith or with faith in another god.  Don’t think that it makes you better and don’t think that it makes you happier. Just because it seems like all the good people you know are good god loving Christians, don’t assume there aren’t plenty of amazing non-Christians out there. Take time to really really put yourself in the shoes of other people and other perspectives.  When you are searching and searching for the right answer, instead of trying to forget about it, settle, push it away, or tell yourself that having unanswered questions is part of your relationship with god, just try to think of life from the atheists perspective. Not from the biased perspective your church and friends and media are telling you about atheists, but as objectively as you can. And even if it’s uncomfortable keep trying. You are not better than anyone because of your faith. And I know you know that, but take a second look at your actions and beliefs. Just because someone says what you’re doing is selfless and good doesn’t mean it is.  Be more objective, seek more answers outside of Christianity, and always wear your seat-belt.

What would you say to a younger you?

stay adorable,


visit me on twitter 🙂

Joy Everyday

So, I really thought the excitement of being an atheist would have worn off by now. Not to say I expected to get bored with it, I just expected it to become routine, normal, and be ingrained in who I am. And it is, but it is also like getting a little present everyday. I’m always having new moments of excitement brought on by realizing just how much I like being an atheist. Sometimes it comes from not having to defend my faith as reasonable justification for god in philosophy class. Sometimes it’s meeting someone who agrees that it’s not right to raise children by telling them there is a god and we believe in the right god. It’s realizing how small my world was when I was a person of  faith, and seeing just how big and limitless it is now that my focus is on rationality and happiness. It feels so good to sit down with “God is Not Great” and feel impassioned and interested about something.

When I was a young teen, I remember leading a bible study on the difference between joy and happiness. I think that the point was that joy was a pleasure that came from god. It just seems so silly to me.  Tell all these people they won’t have true happiness if they don’t commit their lives to this narcissistic and arrogant god. I feel that faith always left me reaching for more and feeling confused, but every now and again when I was all pumped up with adrenalin and really nice things being said either in church or at a bible study I would feel “joyful”. Or anytime I felt really happy and I would attribute it to god instead of attributing it to my friends and or family who were bringing me happiness.  I guess now I feel things, both happy and sad, a lot more genuinely.

I hope everyone is doing well, and staying away from large politically and religiously charged crowds.

Stay Adorable,


I kissed the blarney stone and did not get the gift of the gab. I got a sore throat.

“Somebody is Looking Out For Me”

Today I watched this video of Adam Savage speaking at the Reason Rally. It  inspired me. It made me happy. I listened to it a few times, because he says so many great and meaningful  things in such a short time.  I thought about every Christian speaker I’ve ever heard (which is a lot) and  wondered what their speech would sound like. My analysis is as follows, “We have a god who loves us” (cheering from the crowd), “We need to win back our schools for god” (cheering from the crowd), “God has a plan for you” (Cheering from the crowd), “Gods mercy rains down on us” (Cheering from the crowd).  Probably some music playing, some time to think quietly about all your transgressions, emotion filled testimonies, more singing, and a whole lotta crying.

I was that a part of that crowd several times. Now I long to be a part of a crowd like the one at the Reason Rally. I want to cheer for and celebrate human reason. Adam Savage states a lot of facts.  I want to celebrate facts. Facts don’t make me agonize over the lack of clarity they offer.  Reasonable thought doesn’t leave me with a million what if’s and no way to get to the answer. It means so much more to me to cheer for reason, truth, facts, ideas, and a fellow human’s story than cheering for abstract, questionable, emotion based empty phrases. I am excited to think of my morality as truly mine, not bestowed upon me or demanded of me to receive “life”.  Failing as a faithful person led to a road of wonder, frustration, sadness, questioning, self-loathing and a variety of other emotions. Failing as an atheist means determination, problem solving, wonder, and education.  Truth has changed my life for the better.

The ending quote was my favorite and sums up so much of how I feel.

I have concluded through careful empirical analysis and much thought that somebody is looking out for me, keeping track of what I think about things, forgiving me when I do less than I ought. Giving me strength to shoot for more than I think I’m capable of. I believe they know everything that I do and think, and they still love me, and I’ve concluded, after careful consideration, that this person keeping score is me.

Stay Adorable,


Atheist Book Monday

Happy Monday Adorable People!!

I hope you all had a good weekend.  Some highlights of mine were visiting the apartment Patrick and I will be sharing come January, going to a baseball game with some friends, and of course, my new atheist books!  I got God is Not Great: How Religion Poisons Everything by Christopher Hitchens and Irreligion by John Allen Paulos.  I love to read–and as a young teen I read a lot of Christian devotionals and books, so it feels right to read a little bit about atheism.  Hopefully I’ll get a lot of reading done this week, I’m really looking forward to learning more and thinking more about something important to me!

What books have you read that impacted you?

Stay Adorable, M.C.