A Lately Post

Hello Friends! Winter is here in full swing and far too cold for me. It’s actually a much milder winter than I’m used to… but still too cold! In the next few years my husband and I are planning (fingers crossed) to move somewhere in the west– Nevada, New Mexico, Arizona or somewhere like that. We haven’t been out there much, so we’re planning a trip sometime soon to explore and see what areas we like. If you have any experience in the matter of wild west living,  please let me know!!

Other than that. . I’ve been doing a lot of Hot Yoga (especially nice when it’s cold out), trying to read more, enjoying the joys of Netflix (any recommendations??), and generally avoiding the cold air. Did I mention I don’t like the cold?

I decided for 2015 I want to read at least 12 books. However yesterday, my boss told me that in 2014 she read 25 books and this made me feel quite competitive… So we shall see. I tend to pick massive and challenging titles, so I’m trying to mix in some quicker reads. The last book I read was The Girl Who Played With Fire, and now I’m onto Gone Girl. Both excellent, but I think for my next I’ll go with a bit less woman hating. My boss loaned me The Interestings, so I think I’ll read that. I checked it out from the library, but I can never read fast enough to beat the due date!

Anyhow, I wanted to upload a few pictures–but the app on my phone is having none of that sadly 😦 So here we are, in an imageless abyss. Just imagine me curled up in the couch wearing a large scarf under a blanket drinking tea and reading gone girl. BOOM. Image for you. Okay, I think it’s time to go 🙂

M.K.

Relationship Ramble

Hi Friends,

I cannot believe it has been nearly a month since I last posted! Getting ready to study abroad and then getting settled in Ireland really took up my time. I’m adequately settled now though, and ready to resume the blogging life.  So, greetings from Ireland!

It’s fucking windy

What I want to write about today is not particularly related atheism, but it’s related to my life.  As I’ve mentioned before, back at home in the states I have a wonderful fiance named Patrick. (He’s an atheist). I’ve known him a little over 4 years now, and I couldn’t be happier that I’m marrying him. But being with him has opened my eyes to my relationship with relationships. And I’m not talking just romantic relationships, I’m talking any personal relationship.

Let me tell you, my children will NOT be getting dating/relationship advice from the public school system, and certainly not the church. Because they seriously fucked me up.  Between school, church, my parents, and random other adults who had influence in my life, the message I was constantly berated with was, “Don’t spend too much time with a boyfriend. Don’t ditch all your friends to have a boyfriend. Go on fun and exciting group dates! Really, never be alone with a boy.” I even read this Christian book Dateable. Here’s a nice quote

“It will not last. You heard me. Whatever relationship you are in right now, whether you are 14, 15, 16, or even 18 years old, know this: It will not last! Period. The end….You will break up. It will end. It will hurt. It will get in the way of your purpose in life, and it will complicate things and distract you from your passion and destiny.”

It was a long time ago that I read it, but I’m fairly certain the book also mentioned that girls should never ask guys out because they will take the rejection too personally, and if a guy says anything nice it’s because he has used it on so many other girls and is a player (You asshole Patrick, you must have proposed to so many different girls),  and of course, the typical “the only reason a man looks at you is so he can hopefully put his penis in you”.

And that’s just dating advice. The friendship advice always seemed to be, don’t just do something because your friends are doing it. Do things alone or independently. Always be making new friends. And as I got older, if I ever spent a lot of time with one or two  friends, my parents would tell me that maybe I should spend time with some of my other friends. Still to this day my mom points out to me that I’m probably hurting old friends feelings blah blah blah.

And when I went off to college, everyone starts to talk about this NY Times article titled “Ditch Your Laptop, Dump Your Boyfriend.” I’m not going to go into too much detail about it, but just because someone printed it in the NY Times doesn’t make it fucking gold.

Now, 2.5 years into a happy relationship, I still struggle to act fully committed. Patrick and I spend WAY fucking less time together that I think we should or want to.  I have been SO manipulated throughout my life to be both the  socialite and totally independent. I have been so scared that being in a close relationship would mean not being fulfilled and internally miserable.

But guess fucking what?  I am capable of determining what amounts of time to devote to whatever and whomever I want in order to  create my optimal happiness without this stupid advice.

I am so sick of hearing this advice given to people. I am so sick of the church promoting this culture of never getting too close to someone of the opposite sex. What is the point of telling people to spend less time with people they care about and enjoy being with?  Stop being so afraid. Stop telling people they won’t enjoy life or “find” themselves if they don’t backpack around Europe by themselves meeting strangers. The one thing I wish I would have done is spend more time with the people I care about and not be so concerned about chasing this magical and mythical idea of the perfect young adulthood filled with adventure and fulfillment.

I wish people hadn’t spent so much time scaring me about close relationships and instead showed me their value and taught me that they take effort. I’m so sick of living a life where as soon as a relationship starts to require effort I move on.  It’s not fulfilling.

As always, I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Stay adorable,

M.C.

Cleaning Up & Moving On

Hi friends,

I am leaving to study abroad on Sunday.  (mini freak out here). I’m going to Ireland!!  When I come home, I am officially moving into my new apartment with my fiance Patrick. This means my mom wants me to clear out my room and get rid of all the junk I’ve been storing in here since 2nd grade.  I started with the bookshelf.

Most of my bookshelf was Christian literature. It was a weird feeling to see all of these. To be honest, I was super surprised at just how many I had.  I haven’t read all of them, but most. They brought back a lot of emotions for me.   I remember hating memorizing passages from Luther’s catechism for my confirmation.  I remember really enjoying Mean Girls, Sexy Girls, and Idol Girls and the retreats I read them on with my youth group. I remember being angered and frustrated by A Call to Die because it made me feel like an awful person.

My friend got me 10 Lies the Church Tells women for my birthday after I had a heartbreaking conversation with a youth leader who I admired. He shared his messed up ideas about women and their “role” in society. I remember breaking down and sobbing, being angry, and then just deciding that he was stupid. It was a defining moment in my teen years, and what shaped my desire to be a rational Christian for the following years.

These books were my efforts to make sense of religion. To make me feel fulfilled and happy. The topics range from building faith to seeking logic and truth. I read all those words looking for answers, and now I know I only needed one thing: atheism. Some of the books I have good memories associated with, others not so much. But the ones I have the most positive memories with were the ones I read with other people, in bible studies, youth groups, church, small groups, or whatever other settings bible things are read.  Which only supports my theory that I liked religion for the community it provided me.

My bible especially still holds some value that I have a hard time letting go of.  I was in a women’s bible study at my university. Sure, some I thought were a little loony, but I still liked it. We would read passages of the bible and pray. It was an hour a week to escape from work and school.  Patrick would always ask me what I got out of it, and sometimes I had an answer, sometimes I didn’t. But looking back I think I mostly enjoyed having a break that I could look forward to every week where I knew I would be surrounded by women with positive attitudes.

But I know when I go back to school my relationship with every single one of those girls will be non-existent. They don’t really know anything about me, and we no longer have the commonality of Christianity.  So I suppose my atheism opens the door for me to cultivate new and meaningful friendships and find a new weekly break to look forward to. As far as my bible goes,  I’m still opening it up and reading, but it seems a whole lot crazier, weirder, and less good-promoting than I remember. And it’s a little sad. Something I put so much trust in, so much thought in, and so much hope in is really just a crazy book of  a vein god.  It’ll be less sad overtime, and new things will become important and sentimental.

I also feel less guilty about consulting my stuffed penguin chewy after a bad day instead of the bible, so that’s a plus.

I know this was a long one, but thanks for letting me share.  Please share something about your story.

stay adorable,

M.C.

Atheist Book Monday

Happy Monday Adorable People!!

I hope you all had a good weekend.  Some highlights of mine were visiting the apartment Patrick and I will be sharing come January, going to a baseball game with some friends, and of course, my new atheist books!  I got God is Not Great: How Religion Poisons Everything by Christopher Hitchens and Irreligion by John Allen Paulos.  I love to read–and as a young teen I read a lot of Christian devotionals and books, so it feels right to read a little bit about atheism.  Hopefully I’ll get a lot of reading done this week, I’m really looking forward to learning more and thinking more about something important to me!

What books have you read that impacted you?

Stay Adorable, M.C.

Book Recommendations

Hi People!!

Hope everyone is having a wonderful Wednesday! I am writing a quick post to ask for book recommendations! I like to read just about anything really, fiction and non-fiction. I have $30 in gift cards to Barnes and Noble which I am eager to spend! So, readers and bloggers, what do you recommend?

Stay adorable!

M.C.