Do any of you have that one thing that you always struggle with? And you think about it and you try to practice, but it just always seems to elude you. Yet you see other people doing it so flawlessly. They try to help you, instruct you, and give you so much help, yet when it comes time to execute, you find yourself flat on your face again?
For me, it is communicating by talking. I have a lot of ideas in my head that I want to say. I have a lot of things I need to say, but every time I open my mouth something different seems to come out. Put a keyboard under my hands and suddenly I feel like I can express myself perfectly. But put me into a discussion position and suddenly I’m way off track, rambling, and all around a hot mess.
I started noticing this problem in classes as early as elementary school. And in my first semester of college I had so much I wanted to say, but I just learned to stay quiet because I never seemed to be able to defend my position. And sometimes I came across as a real jerk, because I was always defeated by a counterpoint to my argument, yet I would remain adamant on my position and just say “uh..well, um, blah blah blah something off track.” Or, on the flip side of that, in situations where people were taking intellectual discussions and turning them into personal low-blows, I was never able to point out what they were doing or try and bring the conversation back to a good place. I mean, freshman year of college was rough. I think I cried after my stupid globalization day almost everyday because I was so frustrated.
Getting nervous and doubting myself doesn’t help much either, because I am always mumbling and talking way too fast. It’s annoying as hell to listen to, and makes whatever I’m saying pretty much worthless I’ve made a lot of progress in this area, more so than staying on track or saying what I want to say, but I still slip into it quite a bit. I am not a quiet person. I do enjoy talking and being social. I am far from my brother who answers everything with a grunt that means yes, no, and I’ll have cheese on that. I can be very comfortable going out for coffee and having a conversation, but put me in a situation that is actually important and watch me squirm!
It is just so frustrating, because I’m at a point in my life where a lot of important conversations need to be had, and I get so off topic or distracted that no sort of resolution is ever met. It’s actually becoming quite a hindrance to feeling like an adult.
In addition, I know sometimes atheists don’t always have the best reputation, but in my mind they are extremely good debaters and communicators. I myself have been lucky enough to be surrounded by hilarious, kind, and extremely eloquent atheists. Hearing their reasons and arguments about god, no god, ethics, or other points of interest inside and out and upside down make me feel so inadequate! I have just always been so envious of people who have the ability to put into words the thoughts in their head.
Just something that’s been on my mind today, let me know if you can relate.